INT: Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Vampiro fans of all ages. I'm here with Vampiro right now, and I'm going to conduct a lovely little interview with the god of everything. Isn't that right?
Vampiro: What the fuck? How'd you get in my house?
INT: I'll ask the questions around here, got it!?
Vampiro: Look, if you're going to rob me, you can at least wear a mask over...
INT: Question 1. Is it true you went into hell butt naked and came back with a snake skin suit and tie?
Vampiro: (long pause) What?
INT: How hard was it skinning those snakes down there in hell? I bet it was no problem for a badass like you, right?
Vampiro: I think you have the wrong guy. I'm just a wres...
INT: ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!
Vampiro: Fuck no! You got issues, man!
INT: Indeed, and it's one of my favorite albums by Korn.
Vampiro: No, I mean...
INT: Question 2. How many times have you died, only to come back to life and rip your opponent's heart out.
Vampiro: (long pause) Dude, you're starting to freak me out.
INT: Okay, I'll just put that down as fifty. Question 3. How many of your shrines built all around the world do you visit and how often do you visit them?
Vampiro: What, like internet shrines?
INT: No, I mean like actual shrines.
Vampiro: They actually build those for me?
INT: Well honestly, I don't know of any, and I figured you would, because question 4 was going to be give me an address to the closest one so I could go there and pray to Vampiro and hope he throws fireballs at my neighbors, but...
Vampiro: Whoa whoa, slow down there. I'm seriously thinking you have the wrong...
INT: Question 5.
Vampiro: Oh for crying out loud!
INT: Is it true you have five soul reavers and a light saber in your attic.
Vampiro: I'm surprised you haven't gone up there and looked yourself.
INT: Actually I did, and I didn't find them, but I figured you knew of some secret compartment.
Vampiro: If there's a secret compartment up there, it's news to me.
INT: Shit. Oh well, I guess I'll just take a few strands of hair from your hair brush and a couple sets of clothing.
Vampiro: Don't you dare steal my... Wait a minute. THAT'S MY SHIRT! That's it, I'm calling the cops.
INT: Well, that's all the questions I have for this interview. Join us again next time for more ultra awesome Vampiro related content.
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