Vampiro was born May 31, 1967. It was said that his mother was a jackal, and his father was Chuck Norris. However, some people have reason to believe DNA from Super Mario was thrown into the mix during his conception because he throws fireballs at hippies, emos, and that one guy from Poison.
Vampiro spent most of his childhood sleeping on barb wire, eating thumbtacks like Lucky Charms, and going to the school of hard knox. There, he was often beaten with baseball bats until he learned how to make himself immune to pain, and even throw all the baseball bat wielding proctors aside with a simple flick of the wrist. When he wasn't learning how to take a beating, he was learning how to give a beating. Needless to say, this was where he excelled.
He eventually found himself becoming extremely interested in the lost art of professional wrestling. The art was an ancient form of combat that only the manliest of carnival freaks could do successfully. However, the legendary McMahon clan had begun taking this art, and profaning it with the likes of Hulk Hogan and The Gobbledy Gooker. Vampiro looked at this tainted art, and decided he would do what Chuck Norris himself couldn't even do. He set out to make it badass!
Unfortunately, ECW beat him to it. Fortunately for him, the ECW revolution was short lived, which meant his quest wasn't over.
Vampiro made it to WCW, but unfortunately, lots and lots of factors were working against him. Primarily, it wasn't WWF. Konan, deemed one of the biggest bitches in history, attempted to bury him with stories of drug abuse in order to keep his spot on the top, and the Insane Clown Possy (who were convinced they could wrestle at the time) put phone calls Vampiro made complaining about the situation on the net with a whiner spin placed upon them. To boot, they would put him in matches with the Vampiro wannabe known simply as Sting, and have him lose all but one time. That one time, Vampiro attempted to set Sting on fire, but because Sting was a pussy, he had a stunt double do it instead. One that looked nothing like him at that.
Eventually, Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, and Vince Russo succeeded in their quest to destroy WCW, and Vampiro was forced to move on. Since then, his badassness has been put on display in several organizations. He's even become the booker of an organization known simply as AAA for a brief while. It was without a doubt the best years in that organization's history.
He appeared in TNA for a while, but no one watched TNA at that time, so no one really noticed the super awesome New Church he formed. Oh sure, some will say The Sinister Minister, Father James Mitchel, was the one who formed it. Those people are morons, and enjoy lying to you. Vampiro was calling the shots using the art of psychic marianettism, using Father James Mitchel as a figure head of sorts. He could've easily commanded the church on his own, but some people were just too scared of his ultra high level of badassosity.
He now wrestles in WSX, held the WSX championship for a brief time, and for a while, MTV was slightly more tolerable. Unfortunately, MTV are pricks and they enjoy shitting on everything kickass, so they ended up putting an end to their TV spot. Of course, that was AFTER all the ludicrous computer generated bullshit they put in place, but that's a rant for a different page.
And now you know the rest of the story.
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